GIRL TALK: My Mom Hits Me

My mom hits me.  I am losing my trust of her and I'm a little scared of her now.  She once threw me down the stairs.  She just hits me or pushes me when she gets really, really mad at me.  I know she doesn't really mean it but I'm scared it may have an affect on me in my later years.  I was in the car once and was telling her directions and accidentally gave her a wrong street name and she beat me, and some people in a car next to us saw her and it really embarrassed me. She never intends to hurt me and says she'll try to stop but I can't trust her.  I also can't tell anyone about it because they won't understand.  Please help!

-Anonymous

 
In the words of Yoda, “Do or do not. There is no ‘try.’” It’s not ok for your mother to hit you – even if she is angry – and it’s not enough for her to “try” to stop hitting you. You need to let her know that while you understand she may get angry, hitting you is not going to make you respect her; only resent her. If she wants to have any kind of positive mother/daughter relationship with you, she needs to learn how to manage her anger better. If you’re comfortable enough talking to her about it, try to ask her if you can come up with a better solution for punishment. Maybe if you retreat to your room or somewhere else immediately until she calms down, she’ll start keeping her temper a little bit.
 
If possible, you may want to get another trusted family member or friend involved. Someone that your mom respects who can talk to her and help her get help dealing with her anger outbursts. If you ever feel unsafe, go to a friend or family member’s house for help immediately.
 
In the meantime, try to avoid any situations that would make her angry like that. If you tend to mouth off at all, bite your tongue. If you know she gets angry about certain things, do your best to prevent those things from happening. But in the end, it is not right for her to beat you and you need to get help from another adult or service if it continues.